Beginner, Intermediate, Master, Expert rider - differences?

Jen, what's your plan? We all have bad habits. Some come from injuries that cause us to compensate with weird body quirks. Some are from riding horses that are more than we can handle. Some are from poor instruction or from not enough instruction. And some come from our imagination, from worry, fear and mental distortions of what is really going on when we ride. The list goes on.

Lately I have been selling or leasing hunt horses for the upcoming season. That has brought me in touch with a lot of riders coming to try horses. I have very well trained hunt horses, the kind that will take you on your first hunt and bring you home safely. Still, I had one woman come from Maryland to try one and she freaked out, really. It was a drama. It was apparent that she was nervous getting on a horse she had never ridden, even though before coming she told a long tale about how she trained her own hunt horses and other stories of her great equestrian accomplishments. I tend to discount that sort of info, but I failed to see these stories were a major league over compensation for her anxiety. She arrived in a luxury care wearing spurs and dressed to the "nines" (I always tell people to look for a horse in a Ford or Chevy, even if you have to rent one, if you want to get a good deal).

We tacked up a horse and as she went to the mounting block I mentioned that she would not need the spurs, my horses are well trained. I think "unleashed" is not too strong a word for her reaction to my comment. She unleashed a tirade about her riding skill and her impeccable use of spurs. I replied, "Just saying". What followed was a very sad situation of a panic attack and awkward cover up. She had, it seemed, tried to get beyond her fear and could not. Nothing actually happened. The horse went well. I was bored actually during her ride, but at one point as she was walking the horse, "out of the blue" she jumped off and went into a rant about how the horse was dangerous. After I got past my first "What?" reaction, like I was woken up suddenly from a sound sleep, I tried to talk to her. It was useless. She was letting out what must have been anxiety that began building when she got in her car to come see the horse. I stood there silently and let her vent until she ran out of energy to complain, accuse, deride and more.

She had ridden a horse I used for beginner lessons with children and acted as if I had put her on a bronco. As an instructor I have learned that the rider's experience is real to them, even if it is not what is really happening by any objective measure. I saw a woman walk and trot a calm horse, and she experienced an out of control dangerous horse. For those of your know know my horses, it was Beau she rode, and he was on his best behavior. This woman, who I was told rode since childhood and hunted for decades, somehow had lost her grip on reality and rode with a fear level that she hid pretty well until she could not.

Over my years of teaching I have encountered several riders like this woman. They may have been good riders in their past, but I suspect something happened along the way that completely undermined their confidence. Their recollection of the days when they felt confident remains as a kind of mythical standard they feel as still real, but in any given moment their past confident experience of riding can evaporate and plunge them into terror. No horse, no instructor, nothing can overcome their panic, which as in this case has no external trigger. Their deep fear just surfaces and conquers the moment.

Jen, I tell this story as a reference point. You are not like this woman, I think. She needs to quit riding, in my view. The question is what elements of her struggle do you experience? Your write, "... one of my really annoying practices, at times, is to avoid the potential boogie man in the thicket, not deal with or avoid what might be scary". Is that it? We all do that sometimes. Where are you in your fear/anxiety/avoidance range? And how objectively real or imagined do you feel your emotions are when you ride?

Again, we all feel these things at times. Horses are big and potentially dangerous. They can hurt us by accident or by being difficult. Some fear of horses is not stupid or crazy. Fearlessness around horses is.

I think this may be a universal question, how real are my fears? I few years ago I had a horse named Magnum that I kept around for over a year and I was scared to get on him every time. He could dump me at will because he was smart enough to spin me to the right, which put my left leg out as the balance against the centrifugal force the spin created and I could manage the spin with my left leg. But then he'd stop quick and spin to the left, which put my right leg in the position of balancing against the force of the spin and I'd go off because my right leg is weak from injuries and could not maintain my seat in the left spin. Magnum had learned my weakness and used it against me. At first I thought I might have a paranoid delusion (like the woman) that he had figured me out so well, so I kept him to see what was real. I wrapped my right leg with ace bandages to support the right leg muscles, and he spun harder until the leg gave out. I wasn't paranoid. Magnum was my reality check. I had met my match. I was no longer 20 years old.

So what's real for you? What can you do comfortably and safely on a horse? It's a question for all of us as the years of riding pile up, our bodies age and our life responsibilities grow. Here I told the story of the woman with the Halflinger she bought for her daughter. The mother wanted me to ride that auction horse in a field full of old farm equipment. I pictured myself being pitched into a disc harrow, so I passed. We have to be real or we can be injured. Finding the line between real and imagined fear with horses can be very difficult.